The Great Burger Quest Explained

I like burgers. You like burgers. We like burgers.

Everyone likes a good hamburger!

But where do we find the BEST hamburger?

That has become our Quest – to find the definitive, absolute best burgers in Dallas and the surrounding burbs.

Who are we? What are our qualifications? Why would we undertake such a quest? What is our starting point? What are the rules? What does a quest cost? Very good questions.

WHO ARE WE? – First, and most importantly, we are burger lovers. Your dedicated and tireless critics are Matt & Tricia Gold and Will & Deb Tucker. We represent young and old, native and transplanted Texans, Jews and Christians, thin and …..not so thin, tall and short, male and female.

WHAT ARE OUR QUALIFICATIONS? –  240 collective years of eating burgers and we can sing every word of Buffett’s burger anthem Cheeseburger in Paradise.

WHY WOULD WE UNDERTAKE SUCH A QUEST? Matt is our Burgermeister. He tired of bogus Top Ten Burger lists. Everyone seemed to have one and they were all different. Understandable but those differences make them suspect. Each is really the individual critic’s top ten. If five other critics had Top Ten lists, they were all different. If they hadn’t tried ALL the burger joints then how could one list be the best? It seemed the qualification for creating a top ten list was to try four or five burgers and have friends recommend a few others. With that “extensive” research and a platform on which to print and blog you had the qualifications to create a list. Not good enough for Matt Gold. He knew there had to be, and should be, a DEFINITIVE Top Ten list – one that all burger lovers could turn to when they wanted to treat themselves to a truly memorable culinary experience, a transcendent heavenly meal. A perfectly seared patty on the best bun with exceptional accoutrements. A burger you would remember for years.

WHAT IS OUR STARTING POINT? We figured if a burger made it to one or more of a top ten list it was at least worthy of consideration. There were 42 burger joints on at least one of the lists. Another 8 will be added from new restaurants, friend recommendations or personal favorites that didn’t make one of the lists.

WE ARE TRYING THEM ALL!

Then, and only then, will we know the true and indisputable best hamburger in Dallas. And let’s be real folks. Since Dallas has the best of everything we may very well know where to get the best burger in the world!

WHAT ARE THE RULES AND CRITERIA? There is no handbook for quests. The rules evolve as we go but here are the basics:

  • All four critics have to sample the burgers together. We have to be able to compare, discuss and rate them at the same time.
  • Chances are if the establishment advertises on TV it isn’t going to be on the list – no fast food. Sorry Whataburger fans.
  • If the establishment has a “signature” burger we all order the signature burger.
  • If there are multiple burgers but no signature burger we will ask for the two top sellers, order two of each and split them so that each of us has the opportunity to try them both.
  • We are rating the burger, presentation, sides and overall experience. The burger is paramount though and the key to the rating. We mention the extent of the beer selection since burgers and beer are so closely linked but beer is not a part of the rating system.
  • There is no way we could remember how the second burger compares to the 27th burger so they are divided into divisions – ten burgers in each of five divisions. Two from each division qualify for the finals. To end with an updated final Top Ten we will return and reevaluate the ten finalists.

WHAT DOES A QUEST COST? Quests are expensive but we’re looking for the Holy Grail of burgers. No sacrifice is too great; there are no limits to how far we will go. We estimate the cost per critic to be $1500 and 104,400 calories.

WHEN WILL WE KNOW THE BEST BURGER IN DALLAS? Quests take a long time. Coordinating schedules for four critics is hard. We’ve been at this for nine months and visited 20 burger joints. At least one of them has already closed the doors. We started slow but from here on out we should average one a week. On more than one occasion we have tried two different places in one evening. And, yes, we were hurting after the second. At this rate we should have the definitive list by Spring 2017.

DO I REALLY HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG TO FIND A GOOD BURGER? No. We will update you with results as we march onward (that’s what you do in a Quest – you march onward). Follow us on our blog, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram for updates. They will be coming soon. We hear we should be in social media platforms but we first have to get our kids to teach us how to use them.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE – TELL ME WHERE I CAN GO THIS WEEK FOR AN EXCELLENT BURGER. OK, but we’re going to keep you in suspense for our favorite to date. We’ll give you details later but you won’t be disappointed with Rodeo Goat in the Design District or Luck over the bridge in Trinity Grove.

Until next time: Take a look at this mouth watering masterpiece.

Luschers

4 thoughts on “The Great Burger Quest Explained

  1. Matt, how come you thin guys get to have all the fun. I’m in, skipping any location that advertises or burns itself to the ground aka SMU (RIP Goff’s). Looking for the holy grail of burger dive joints.

    Like

  2. Wow this sounds like a lot of fun. We are kind of hamburger snobs so I will watch carefully.

    Our two favorites are Rodeo Goat and Haystack

    Like

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